


Ho Ho Ho: An All My Members Christmas

by Carlanime



Category: RPF - Canadian Politics
Genre: All My Members, Multi, Politislash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-03
Updated: 2005-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-05 08:25:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carlanime/pseuds/Carlanime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Dedication: for thelastgoodname, who encourages me to commit these acts of satire.</p><p>Warnings: This is RPF/RPS, and should not be read by anyone who finds such material offensive. This series contains sexual content, and is not suitable for minors and not safe for work. May contain traces of nuts.</p><p>Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. No attempt is being made to claim that any events depicted or alluded to here have ever happened in the real world, and no claims are being asserted about any real persons. This parody is for entertainment purposes only, and is intended to amuse by mocking the overtly sexual language often used in political discourse, and by highlighting the soap-operatic absurdities inherent in "personality politics."</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. The Hopes and Fears of All the Years

**Author's Note:**

> Dedication: for thelastgoodname, who encourages me to commit these acts of satire.
> 
> Warnings: This is RPF/RPS, and should not be read by anyone who finds such material offensive. This series contains sexual content, and is not suitable for minors and not safe for work. May contain traces of nuts.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. No attempt is being made to claim that any events depicted or alluded to here have ever happened in the real world, and no claims are being asserted about any real persons. This parody is for entertainment purposes only, and is intended to amuse by mocking the overtly sexual language often used in political discourse, and by highlighting the soap-operatic absurdities inherent in "personality politics."

"Steve, are you all right?" Peter asked, concerned. "You're looking tightly wound. More so than usual, I mean."

"This could be it," Stephen muttered, pacing his office. "I could be on the brink of success. Everything I've worked for, all my plans, could finally be coming to fruition. This could be my big chance. Our big chance," he amended, seeing that Peter had begun to pout.

"Jack is threatening to [force a pre-holiday election](http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20051103/layton_health_liberals_051103/20051103?hub=TopStories)," Peter agreed. Stephen shuddered visibly at the thought of Jack's forced election. He tried to tame his excitement by recalling Duceppe's scornful dismissal: ["On which planet do you live, having a campaign during Christmas?" he](http://www.canada.com/windsor/windsorstar/news/story.html?id=c13c2553-be89-4d9e-886b-fbc8e7b91d42) had [asked. "Jack Layton is not serious. It's like Halloween -- he tries to scare people, then he eats his candies. Period."](http://www.canada.com/windsor/windsorstar/news/story.html?id=c13c2553-be89-4d9e-886b-fbc8e7b91d42) But the words, rather than acting like a splash of cold water to douse Stephen's fevered dreams, only further inflamed him. He wondered if Jack preferred to gobble his candy, or to suck it slowly, savouring it like [a red Smartie](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nestl%C3%A9_Smarties).

"Of course, if Jack gets his way by tonight on the issue of [double-dipping](http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20051103/layton_health_liberals_051103/20051103?hub=Canada)," Peter pointed out sensibly, "you know he'll just pull out again."

Stephen shuddered again. "[I have chased Jack Layton around the corridors of this parliament for over a year now,](http://sympaticomsn.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20051102/gomeryreaction_ELECTIONTIMING_20051102)" he said irritably. "It's time for him to stop playing games and make up his mind."

"Jack's [chicken](http://ottsun.canoe.ca/News/National/2005/11/02/1289321.html), but at least you know I'm game," Peter said, trying to [delicately balance outrage and seduction](http://canadaeast.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051031/TPTOPPHOTO/310310054/-1/FRONTPAGE). Frankly, he wished the damned government would hurry up and fall already; he was getting tired of competing for Stephen's attention.


	2. Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room

"[When I become Prime Minister](http://www.conservative.ca/EN/speeches/the_federal_accountability_act/)," Stephen said, his face carefully controlled even as his cock stirred in excitement at the words, pushing forward to brush the podium. Off to one side, Peter shivered in shared excitement, casting admiring glances at the man in the grey flannel pup-tent.

The closer they came to success, however, the more competition there was for Stephen's limited affections. Already Ralph had said, point blank, that he'd [do anything Conservative Leader Stephen Harper asks him to do when the next vote is called.](http://news.yahoo.com/s/cpress/20051108/ca_pr_on_na/klein_harper_election;_ylt=Aix_Pye4D_oWJZ.H2V4iprOFM1IB;_ylu=X3oDMTBiMW04NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl) Peter thought of just what that might entail, and frowned. And that treacherous Gilles had flirtatiously announced that he was in "[pre-campaign mode](http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Politics/2005/11/07/1297821-cp.html)" and "[ready when there is a date or the election is called.](http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Politics/2005/11/07/1297821-cp.html)" The man was shameless, boasting about his pre-campaign and casting about for a date. Surely Stephen didn't trust him?

"[Join me](http://www.conservative.ca/EN/speeches/the_federal_accountability_act/)," Stephen was urging his audience, and Peter, patting his pocket to make sure he still had his [supply of extra pins](http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20051108.wpoppyhar1108/BNStory/National/), vowed to do whatever it took to maintain his place at the leader's side.


	3. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

The photogenic spouse peered suspiciously down from the gallery. The überchildren, beside her, were oblivious to her narrowed eyes: for them this was a tedious duty of keeping up appearances whilst everyone told them how historic and exciting an occasion this was, and they were frankly bored and restless. Not so their mother, who'd wondered just what it was that was keeping her husband up at night. His uncharacteristic excitement must, she'd deduced, have its root here in the House. He'd been [whipping his caucus](http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Politics/CanadaVotes/2005/11/29/1328913-sun.html) in a frenzied manner.

Was it, she wondered, due to the [pretty brunette](http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/story.html?id=294830fe-73f4-4229-9d04-26095b6a0be2&k=32573) seated beside him? The anti-Belinda had been quick enough to hug him…but no, the wise spouse concluded: her husband's only interest in that direction had been to carefully position the loyal female on full display behind him, next to the loyal minorities. Conscious of the presence of the press, the even-more-loyal spouse managed not to roll her eyes.

Who could it be, then? she wondered. What was making him toss and turn at night, in the feverish, sweaty grip of an unnatural enthusiasm? Was he revisiting one of his [past obsessions](http://www.macleans.ca/topstories/politics/news/shownews.jsp?content=n112951A), or was this something more personal? Surely it wasn't merely ambition that made his cheeks flush and dampened his pyjamas nightly, was it? Perhaps, she thought with sudden inspiration, I should ask Peter. He'll be _sure_ to know!


End file.
